New Questions, New Roles

New Questions, New Roles

Written By: Aaron Manes

Bowling alleys are a funny place to begin this conversation but did you know that pre-COVID bowling alleys were making more money than they have ever made? They were seeing more people come through their doors than ever before. And yet, the amount of people who were a part of bowling leagues is at an all-time low. People still go bowling, just not in leagues. 

The cultural fabric of how Americans operate in groups has changed dramatically over the past 70 years, and it will just continue to change. The church is not immune to this change. Scott preached back in April, and he used charts and graphs to talk about how people aren’t attending church like they used to, yet they still describe themselves as spiritual. We are in the midst of what I believe is an awakening. It isn’t just me. You can read authors like Diana Butler-Bass, David Kinnaman, and others who report the same. The work of the Holy Spirit is ongoing and is changing the way people interact with the church. 

I believe the roles of spiritual leaders have to change as well. All cultures have always had people who seemed more “spiritual.” That list might include Empaths, Witches, Medicine Men, Healers, Prophets, Priests, Pastors, Mystics, Maharishis, Enlightened Ones, and so on. The “spiritual” people in a community were in a more formal role in their society. So people would come to them for their spiritual interactions. But what seems to be happening now is happening less formally. 

The Pew Research Center reports that at least half of people in America say they have had a “religious or mystical” experience. These experiences are often not easily explained. To those familiar with the language of the Enneagram, they are intuited or sensed. The presence of God comes as a feeling for most. It’s like how Carrie Underwood sings, “Jesus take the wheel” You might hear them say, “I felt God with me.”

The language is essential here. People are “feeling” God in their lives instead of attending a formal place of worship to participate in a service. If the research is correct, this will include at least half of you in the room and watching online - you may or may not have told people about an experience you had with God. 

In 1950’s America, the assumption was that most everyone identified as some brand of Christianity. Then in 1990, a new category showed up. Forty years ago, about one million Americans reported having no religious affiliation or that they were “done” with the church. The studies aptly named them “nones and dones.” 

In the last 40 years, that number went from 1 Million to 70 Million - roughly the population of California and Texas combined. These people are religiously independent. They say they are spiritual but not religious, meaning they aren’t participating in organized religion. They are bowling, just not in a league. 

The specific shape that Christianity will be taking in the next decade is already with us; we can already begin to see its contours. Most of what we come to understand as God’s leading in our lives happens in reflection. It happens through experience. We may be attuned enough to know it while it is happening, but for the most part, we understand it after it has already passed us. 

It reminds me of Moses tucked into the rock as God passes by. That is a picture of God I like to hold on to. God is caring for Moses; Moses had an encounter with a God that is alive and moving.

In his book, “Unbelievable,” Bishop John Shelby Spong says, “People are no longer compelled by an explanation, but rather they are compelled by an experience.” American Christianity, especially in the post-Billy Graham era, has primarily concerned itself with what someone believes. However, our culture is now more concerned with what someone is becoming. 

That is what is unique here. And for me, it comes back to the spiritual roles that I mentioned before. Pastor Blair sent me this cool work that The Sacred Design Lab at Harvard put together, and these are new roles for the church. A list that once looked like this: 

Empaths, Witches, Medicine Men, Healers, Prophets, Priests, Pastors, Mystics, Maharishis, Enlightened Ones. 

can now begin to look like this: 

The Gatherer, The Seer, The Healer, The Steward, The Elder, The Venturer, The Maker

These are different kinds of roles and are accessible for everyone in this room and watching online. These roles aren’t compartmentalized. 

They do things like: 

• Bring people together (Gatherer)

• Give us spiritual vision (Seer)

• Heal systemic racism and bring in the misfits (Healer)

• Use their financial blessings to fund new opportunities (Steward)

• Be open-hearted mentors (Elder)

• Begin new ministries and outreaches (Venturer)

• Imagine new ways to present God to the world (Maker)

These roles may not have the same road maps that the more traditional roles do, but they will have a guide along the way. The Holy Spirit will be leading them.

Click Here to view the work of Harvard’s Sacred Design Lab.

Faith, Grief & Healing

Faith, Grief & Healing

Written By: Bob Nelson

Faith & Grief, a ministry supported by Arapaho UMC, gathers each month and follows a consistent schedule: There is an introduction followed by a prayer and a scripture reading. Next the speaker for the meeting shares his or her story. Then the attendees get into small groups of 6-8 participants. For approximately 20 minutes, the group members share their personal stories of grief, and react to each other. In the small groups, everyone is given an equal opportunity to share their personal grief story if they feel comfortable doing so; everyone is listened to and given support before we come back together and close the meeting. In this time of pandemic, everything is virtual rather than in person, but the agenda is still the same.

The agenda may seem simplistic and mechanical, perhaps too regimented to be of value.  However, from my experience, a deep and profound sense of compassion develops in these meetings. Personally, I have found several truths to be revealed in these meetings. First, a very paradoxical truth becomes apparent. Grief is always unique --there is no single pattern, no mold for pain. Tears are always individual things yet, there is also a universality to pain. In reality, all tears are the same. The paradoxical truth, despite the individuality of grief, there seems to be a uniformity, the resonant sound of a silent scream.

The second truth, from all of the stories of loss I have heard in the past four years, I have learned that grief is a process that never ends, like breathing, every breath new and yet every breath the same. 

The third truth is the most profound and has had the greatest impact on me. The simple telling of one’s pain, sharing it with others in an accepting environment, has a dramatic and powerful consequence. An equal impact comes from listening to other people’s stories.

I have found that something extremely positive happens in a Faith and Grief meeting, something that evades analysis. I am tempted to call this a magical, mystical experience, but I am not comfortable with such a label. The truth is that people heal people. When experienced alone, grief festers, but when grief is shared, it becomes bearable. Maybe that is the miracle. Faith and Grief is a living testimonial to the power of empathy, the healing, regenerative, validating power of empathy. It is nothing more but it is also nothing less. And that, I feel, is quite adequate.

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Faith and Grief Ministries provide several services for someone experiencing grief. Retreats, workshops, gatherings, blogs, podcasts and book reviews are available. Learn more at www.faithandgrief.org.

Faith and Grief also meets regularly for several local gatherings. A quick scan reveals two gatherings per month in Richardson: Tuesday evening and Thursday at noon during the third week of every month. Furthermore, Faith and Grief Ministries offer gatherings throughout the country in various cities to help people on their grief journey. Although Arapaho, in connection with Canyon Creek Presbyterian Church and Preston Hollow Presbyterian hosts at noon on the third Thursday of each month on Zoom.

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About the author:

Bob Nelson has retired after 52 years of teaching, 30 of them at Pearce High School. He has been active at AUMC for over 20 years. He facilitates a monthly free floating conversation called Socrates Circle on the third Friday of each month. He has also been involved and on the leadership team for Faith & Grief at Arapaho. His faith journey is ongoing and he appreciates the environment at Arapaho that allows him to grow spiritually.

Three Simple Practices for Everyday Mindfulness

Three Simple Practices For Everyday Mindfulness

By Aaron Manes

Why is it that mundane is funny on tv or in a movie? I recently rewatched the classic film “Office Space” where every day seems to be a Monday. It seems like the absurdity won’t end until the main character, Peter, goes to a hypnotist and becomes mindful of the insanity that goes on around him. From there, he does everything that most of us only dream of doing and he begins to truly live. 

We all can’t skip work, unscrew the wall of our cubical or take baseball bats to that piece of outdated technology that will never work correctly. So what can we do?

In his book, “The Power Of Now,” Eckhart Tolle says the greatest threat to your presence is your future and your past. If we are going to be present in our everyday life, we have to practice it.

So here are three simple ways to practice presence while doing mundane, everyday activities.  

1: Take A Shower Break

Right before you are ready to get out of the shower, take a presence break. Step into the water, take 3 deep breaths and breathe in the humid air. Then spend one minute with your eyes closed feeling your feet on the floor and the water hitting your skin. Work on clearing your head by just feeling your breath. If it helps you, say a prayer to close. I like the St. Patrick’s prayer (or really an excerpt from it) for this practice. 

Christ with me,

Christ before me,

Christ behind me,

Christ in me,

Christ beneath me,

Christ above me,

Christ on my right,

Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down,

Christ when I sit down,

Christ when I arise,

Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.

Amen

2: Waiting as a Practice

Is there anything worse than waiting in line or in a “waiting room?” If you don’t have something with you it is often the most boring thing you can do. But it also presents an opportunity for mindfulness. Instead of going into the eternal clickbait of social media on your phone, see it as a time to make a real connection with a quick gratitude practice. 

Take three deep breaths and feel your feet on the floor. Breathe normally and think of three things you are thankful for and three people you are grateful for. Then take the next step and text those three people and tell them why you are grateful for them. It will most likely spark a good conversation and bring a little light to your day. 

3: Only Putting Your Kids To Bed

For many parents, bedtime is the hardest part of the day. It becomes the back-and-forth game with your child who just won’t go to sleep. If you are like me, I just want them to go to sleep so I can get some of my own time. We all need that time so don’t hear me blaming you, but what if you could just be present during bed time and use that as a practice. 

This idea is a little less guided but basically you can practice losing the concept of time during bedtime. Put out of your mind your future “me-time” and just be present in bedtime with your kids. Just do one thing at a time - lose the urgency to get them to sleep and stay a little longer in their room. 

Here are a few things to try: 

• Sit on their floor in the dark and listen to them breathe

• Listen to a meditation with them

• Tell them a long story that you make up (this one takes some practice)

• Sing them your favorite songs

• Tell them something from your family’s history (maybe it’s just a childhood story)

By just practicing bedtime with your kids, your evenings will be better. 

Ok, that’s it. Three simple mindfulness practices that you can use to make better use of everyday tasks. Leave us a comment below and tell use how these worked for you. Remember that even in the mundane we can practice mindfulness - oh and please put a cover sheet on your TPS report… did you get that memo?

Let Your Life Speak

Let Your Life Speak

By Brittany Burrows

When was the last time you found yourself “off track”? Maybe you were working on an assignment or home project and got distracted. Or maybe you found yourself on Facebook when you intended to be paying the bills online. Maybe you were taking care of the children or grandchildren, and found yourself focused on answering emails on your phone instead of being fully present with family. When this happens to us - when we find ourselves off track - at some point, we “wake up” and realize that we need to make a shift back to what we originally meant to be focused on.

Sometimes we can also end up “off track” from where God has called us to be in our lives. In his book, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, author Parker Palmer writes that we are born with wholeness and integrity, with no separation between our inner and outer lives. But as time goes on, and we become more concerned with surviving and succeeding in the external world, we can slowly lose touch with our souls, and disappear into our roles. We can get off track from who God created us to be.

We are each born with a God-given identity and unique gifts. Palmer shares about a time when his daughter and infant granddaughter came to stay with him at his home, years ago.

He writes, “Watching my granddaughter from her earliest days on earth, I was able, in my early fifties, to see something that had eluded me as a twenty-something parent: my granddaughter arrived in the world as this kind of person rather than that, or that, or that. She did not show up as raw material to be shaped into whatever image the world might want her to take. She arrived with her own gifted form, with the shape of her own sacred soul.”

Palmer reminds us that God creates each of us in God’s image, with a distinct identity, gifts and talents, unlike anyone else on earth. We often live freely into our unique identities as children, but as we grow up and try to fit the expectations of others and of the world, it becomes common to drift away from our true selves, getting lost in all of our doing and performing.

God calls us to return to ourselves - to discern and remember who we are at our core, to rediscover our passions and gifts, and to use our passion and gifts to serve the world in ways that give us joy.

Each May, I give a copy of Let Your Life Speak to each of our graduating Synergy Wesley Foundation seniors because it is a reminder of the importance of listening for the voice of God within themselves. As our college graduates go throughout their lives, they may at one point or another find themselves “off track,” and I want them to always know that they are invited by God to return to themselves, and to rediscover their passions and gifts.

When each of us lives fully into our true selves, and when we share the gifts we have been given by God, we can transform the world together.

Podcast: Why Did Jesus Have To Die?

Have you ever asked the question of why did Jesus die on the cross? Maybe this is something that you have let go of in your deconstruction or maybe you haven’t ever given it much thought. Pastor Blair sits down with Dr. Gary Fox to talk through the differing atonement theologies and how they play out in our lives in this episode of “Practicing The Presence.”

How To Listen:

Click Here To Listen on our site

Listen on Spotify
Listen on Apple Podcasts
Listen on Google Play

Use a different podcast app?
Search for “Arapaho UMC”

The Three Practices Of "Sticky" Faith

The Three Practices Of “Sticky” Faith

By Rev. David Finley

A friend forwarded an article from a web site I’m not familiar with, The Federalist, about a religious revival that is all too familiar.  Inside America’s Largest Religious Revival You Know Nothing About is Heather Smith’s look at the religion that has been thriving despite America’s decades-long decline in religious devotion, the religion of Athletica.

Although it is difficult for Christians to attend one or two meetings per week, devotees of Athletica attend almost daily meetings.  Children show up early to school or stay late to practice their faith. This is with good reason. Athletica is a demanding religion with harsh penalties for missing regular meetings.  Worship can run long on weekends and going into extra time is particularly exciting for worshipers.

Parents in Athletica teach their children its rituals as soon as they can walk.  Children practice these rituals with implements scaled to their size. Parents encourage them all along the way.  Children anticipate the day they can fully participate as adults. Thousands aspire to Athletica’s high priesthood, a level only 2% of the faithful will actually reach.

Denominational loyalty is fierce in Athletica, with people displaying their commitments on their vehicles and houses.  Members dress to resemble their priesthood. High priesthood rituals are nationally televised events and devotees make time in their packed schedules to participate by television.  

Smith’s article is obviously satire, but it captures our experiences.  It also captures the collected wisdom of those who work in ministry to teenagers, in books like Kara Powell’s Sticky Faith or Kendra Creasy Dean’s Almost Christian.  Each describes Athletica-like ways to build faith in students that will stay past high school, which I’ve called The Three Practices.  

Practice One:  The Faith That You Show.  Just as children in Athletica learn from their parents and other adults, our children need to learn from adult faith role models.  The best predictor of a child’s faith after high school is their parent’s participation in the faith. Dean’s and Powell’s work shows each student needs five adult faith examples.

Practice Two:  Learn to Say What You Know.  Children begin to own their faith when they can express it, especially talking about it.  Children in Athletica spend their lives with its practices and are encouraged to express their abilities.  In the same way, we should encourage students to participate in our practices and to talk about their faith.

Practice Three: Watch Yourself Grow.  The ability to step back and look at yourself is an essential tool for adulthood.  Children in Athletica measure themselves at every game and every move into a different league.  The value of church retreats and mission trips is in removing students from their usual surroundings to take a fresh look at themselves and what truly matters.

The Three Practices are things we already do.  In applying the tools of Athletica to raising children in the Christian faith, we run counter to the decline of religion in our culture and teach our children a faith they will keep into adulthood.

Podcast: Bumping Up Against Grace

Practicing The Presence is a podcast from Arapaho United Methodist Church. This episode features Pastor Blair Thompson-White and Perkins’ School Of Theology Professor Dr. Mark Stamm as they talk about John Wesley feeling “strangely warmed” and the practices that we can use in our daily lives to get close to God or as he puts it, to “Bump Up Against Grace.”

HOW TO LISTEN:

Click Here To Listen on our site

Listen on Spotify Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Google Play

Use a different podcast app?
Search for “Arapaho UMC”

Six Habits to Cultivate Compassion in Your Kids

Six Habits to Cultivate Compassion in Your Kids

By Blair Thompson-White

A parent shared with me recently that her deepest desire for her children is not that they become doctors or lawyers or make a lot of money. This would be fine, of course, but their career earnings are not her greatest aspiration for them. More than anything, she wants her kids to be kind and compassionate.

We anecdotally know what research has proven over and over: the home is the place of greatest influence in the emotional and spiritual development of children. Kids learn to be kind and compassionate at home from the expectations, routines, and example parents set for them. 

So what are some ‘habits of the heart’ that parents can practice at home with their kids?

Here’s a list I’ve compiled. Some of these ideas come from families whose children I observe to be kind and compassionate; some from books like The Spiritual Child by Lisa Miller; some from podcasts about parenting by folks like Jen Hatmaker and Brene Brown. 

Say Grace Before Every Meal

This means that you prioritize sitting down and eating together. Before everyone digs in, pause and say one of the greatest and simplest prayers: thanks. 

Thank you for this food. Thank you for this day. It doesn't have to be complicated but it does require you to stop and recognize the Something More than you from whom all blessings flow. 

Plan to Help Others

Put helping others in your calendar. Make serving intentional. Find a local food bank and schedule your family to serve together there every-other-month. Talk about why there are food banks. 

Help your kids to think about how each can they sort will eventually go to a family in need. Pray for those who will be receiving the food from the food bank before you eat your evening meal. 

Give Money Away

Create a piggy bank and make putting money in it a part of your routine as a family. Decide who will receive the money; perhaps the food bank where you volunteer will be the recipient or maybe you will research together a charity that works for a cause your kids are passionate about.

Instead of ordering a pizza or eating out one night each week, eat at home. Talk about your decision to eat leftovers instead of eat out. Put the money you would have spent on a meal in the piggy bank.

Do Grocery Shopping Together

When you are in the coffee aisle, show your kids the Fair Trade Certification symbol on the coffee you are purchasing. Point out the difference in price between the Fair Trade coffees and the others and talk about why you choose the former, how you have read about coffee bean workers in places like Guatemala and want to support them, how even this seemingly small decision of what kind of coffee to purchase impacts people around the world.

Grocery shopping can also help kids to learn to see beyond themselves.  

A family shared with me that they shop at Aldi’s together. Each time they go, they return their cart but they do not put it back in the lock to get their quarter back. They give their cart away along with a positive greeting to the person who receives it.

They bring an extra bag with them and give that away, too. Because there is always someone who needs a bag at Aldi’s. The kids are no longer looking at the candy at the checkout line; they are looking for a person who needs a bag.

At the grocery store or any other store, make it a point to greet the cashier and ask them about their day. Your kids are paying attention to the way you interact with those who serve you. Greet cashiers, waiters, salespeople, warmly; look them in the eye and give them a word of gratitude or a word of encouragement. 

Send Thank You Notes

Pick a time once a week to sit at the table together and write one thank you note each. When you are done, share what you wrote with one another. Why are you thankful for this person? Research has shown over and over: gratitude correlates with happiness.

Spend One Day a Month Without Electronics

A friend who is a Rabbi shared with me her family’s practice of Sabbath; they refrain from technology one day a week. They walk instead of drive. They spend time in nature. They cook a meal together and invite neighbors over for long dinner. They rest.

They remember the world will keep spinning without them for a day.

Start unplugging one-day a month and work your way up to once a week. I can tell you from personal experience that this will be very difficult at first.

Ease into it by planning the day together ahead of time. Put your phones, iPads, keys in a basket the night before. Plan to make breakfast together. Plan a morning walk. Plan a picnic and walk to the park. Plan to nap. Plan to have people over for dinner. 

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None of these ideas are revolutionary. The key is to be intentional.

Just as you commit to take your kid to soccer practice so that he or she will become better at the sport, commit to practices that cultivate kindness and compassion. 

Will your kids whine about going to the grocery store with you? Probably. Will they throw a fit about writing a thank you note? More than likely. 

Hang in there. Your example, your explanation of why, your consistency and insistence, is so important as is the support you receive from your community. Surround yourself and your kids with adults who encourage and model kind and compassionate behavior; find a faith community that does this, too. 

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What other practices would you add to this list?
Leave your ideas in the comments below. 

#ChristianAdulting

#ChristianAdulting

By Blair Thompson-White

I don't know about you but when I was a kid I couldn't wait to be an adult. I thought being a kid was kinda restricting. You have to go to school and do what your parents say and you have to rely on others for food and transportation. Adults drove cars and ate what they wanted when they wanted. They could go shopping and buy what they wanted. They could go and do things without asking permission, yes adults had freedom, oh how I looked forward to having the freedom that comes with adulthood.

The reality is that while adulthood has its perks, it isn't all party party party all the time. In fact 90% of being adult is mundane - it's paying bills and going to work and cleaning the house and mowing the lawn.

There is a new word in the dictionary that relates to this. The word is: adulting. It's still so new that spell check does not recognize it but it has officially made it into the Oxford Living Dictionary. Adulting is the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.

I want to take this word adulting and I want to create a new phase with it, the phrase is Christian adulting. Here is the definition I'd like to propose: The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible follower of Jesus, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.

Most of the time being a follower of Jesus isn't walking on water. No, it's watering the garden. It's paying the water bill on time. It's advocating for clean water and even that work, which may seem like exciting justice work, when you get down to it mainly involves sending emails and calling people and setting up meetings; mundane but necessary tasks. Doing these tasks as Christ would do them, with integrity and honesty and selflessness, that's Christian adulting.

I am reminded that the distinctive mark of the Holy Spirit isn't just in the spectacular. It is also and perhaps more commonly in the ordinary work we do. The Holy Spirit is given to us for Christian adulting. So what are the characteristics of a responsible follower of Jesus? How do those practicing Christian adulting go about doing these mundane but necessary tasks for the kingdom?

In the story in Acts 6, Stephen shows us three characteristics of Christian adulting. The early church is having a few conflicts. One conflict that comes up is that the Greek-speaking widows aren't getting enough in the distribution of food while the Hebrew-speaking widows are getting more than enough. So the disciples realize that this mundane task of waiting on tables for the widows is important. The text says the task is literally to wait on tables. So essentially the disciples realize that they need a good wait staff for the widows to make sure they get the food they want and need; talk about mundane.

But that's not what the disciples do, they aren't just looking for just anybody. They want people filled with the Holy Spirit because this, even this, is holy work. Here are the qualifications they put out there for this task of waiting on tables:

"Therefore, friends, select from among yourselves seven men of good standing, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we may appoint to this task."  

Full of the Spirit? To wait on tables? Full of wisdom? Yes. Absolutely. Because the disciples know this work must be done well. They need Christian adulting, they need people who will accomplish these mundane but necessary tasks in a way characteristic of a responsible follower of Jesus.

And Stephen is one of those chosen for this task. The text says he is full of faith and the Holy Spirit and thus he is called to ministry. Stephen's ministry career begins with waiting on tables and we know the rest of his story. He will become the first martyr of the Christian faith. Martyr means witness, he is the first witness. His life and death is so similar to that of Christ's you can't help but read the story of his life and death and remember Jesus' life and death. So what do the disciples see in Stephen’s life that we can apply to ours to excel at Christian Adulting?

The first characteristic of people who are Christian adulting is they have decided to be disciples of Jesus in order to do what Jesus does and become what Jesus is; by choice and by grace they are learning from Jesus how to live in the kingdom of God.

Stephen didn't just wait on tables, he waited on tables in the way Jesus would; he fed the widows and made sure they had what they needed. He let Jesus' life flow through his even in the most mundane tasks he did, and don't you know those widows experienced grace through him, through the way he took care of the tables with grace, compassion, integrity?

Let's say you are a teacher. As a disciple of Jesus, as his apprentice, you have to constantly be aware of how Jesus would deal with students and fellow teachers and parents, how Jesus would do the tedious tasks of cafeteria duty and grading papers and preparing lesson plans.

You have to let his life flow through yours in everything you do in the context you are in right now, in whatever your roles and responsibilities right now, you have been given the Holy Spirit so that it is possible for you to do everything you do as Jesus would. The question constantly before us is how would Jesus do what I am doing? Or even better: How is Jesus' life flowing through mine in this task, in this relationship, in this moment?

I think sometimes we think our lives are sort of insignificant you know, we compare ourselves to those who are doing mission and aid work in places like Africa or Haiti or who have jobs that seem more service-oriented or we think we're too old or too young or too busy or whatever, you fill in the blank, but the point is we sort of dismiss our current context, our current situation and place in life...we're just waiting tables, you know, what does it really matter?

It matters. The center of focus for the disciple's life is the disciples' life, you are living your life with Jesus right now, you are his apprentice right now, learning from him how to lead your life as if he were you...in your workplace, your family, your neighborhood, this community.

The second characteristic of people who are Christian adulting is they are impeccable with their word.

The words we say both internally to ourselves and outloud to others have power. Those who are Christian adulting know this. They know the power of words and so they choose to speak with wisdom and the Spirit as opposed to speaking with ego and self-interest.

When Steven starts to teach about the kingdom of God. People argue with him but the text says: "they could not withstand the wisdom and the Spirit with which he spoke." So what does he say to them?  What words does the Spirit give him to say? Words of truth and forgiveness. First, he speaks the truth to them and when they refuse to hear and scheme against him and stone him, when they become enraged with him, he doesn't return their anger with words of anger or hate. He asks God to forgive them.  

Those who are impeccable with their word use their energy in the direction of truth and forgiveness, truth and love. They do not lie to themselves or others. They know that the way we engage in conversation with others, how we disagree and express our opinion, it is no small thing...those who are Christian adulting know the power of the word, they know the Word of God wants to and needs to speak in them and through them and so they are impeccable with their word.

That word impeccable literally means without sin. Those who are impeccable with their word are without sin in the words they use. They do what they say they are going to do. When they make a promise, they keep it. Watch the promise two police officers make and what they do. This is a great example of Christian adulting: Click Here To Watch.

The third characteristic of people who are Christian adulting is they see the glory.

They see heaven from earth. They see the glory of God. That's what happens to Stephen, he can see beyond the present circumstances to the glory. He can see the hope in the midst of despair. He can see light in the midst of darkness, yes he can see the glory right here, right now.

To see the glory like Stephen you gotta do some Christian adulting.

• You give God the glory by doing your everyday ordinary mundane tasks as Jesus would do them.

• You give God the glory by letting his life flow through yours in your workplace, your home, your community.

• You give God the glory by being impeccable with your word, by thinking about what you say and letting the Spirit speak through words of truth and forgiveness and love.

• You give God the glory glory by looking for the light in the darkness and working to usher in more light.

You give God the glory by Christian adulting.

(This blog is edited from a sermon by Rev. Blair Thompson-White. You can listen to the whole sermon on #ChristianAdulting via streaming or podcast)

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Would you share a story below of someone you know who does “Christian Adulting” well?

What To Do When Your Partner Isn't Spiritual

What To Do When Your Partner Isn't Spiritual

By Blair Thompson-White

You are in church every Sunday while your partner is (fill in the blank): sleeping in, reading the paper, fishing, watching Meet the Press, mowing the lawn. 

You are attending spiritual development classes. Going on retreats. Listening to podcasts with Richard Rohr, reading Rob Bell, learning about the Enneagram. You want to talk about what you are learning with your partner, the questions you are asking, the new ideas you are exploring about God, yourself, the world. Your partner's favorite conversation topics are sports and the latest show on Netflix.  You love sports and Netflix but you long for Something More, you yearn for deeper connection with your partner.

You want a spiritual partner...but you don't think you have one. So what do you do? Here are a few ideas.

Talk To Your Partner About Your Desire for Spiritual Connection

There is a difference between partnership and spiritual partnership. All of the great spiritual teachers articulate this in one way or another: we need others help us to grow spiritually. Spiritual partners help one another to grow spiritually. 

Now...just because you are ready to move from partnership to spiritual partnership and your partner isn't there yet doesn't give you permission to be self-righteous.  This is the temptation: to think you are better than or more mature than others because you think you are further down the spiritual journey than them. Stop comparing. Communicate your desires instead. 

Here's a script that avoids using words like "You should" or "You don't." That kind of language puts people on the defensive. Speak from the I-perspective. Try this: "I yearn for us to connect on a deeper, more spiritual level. I wonder if over dinner this week, I might share with you some of the things I have been learning about God and myself?" 

Tell Your Partner How You Are Growing Spiritually

Share with your partner what you are thinking and feeling but here's the catch: share only for the purpose of sharing, not for the purpose of trying to change them or trying to get them to engage in a certain way. Share simply because you want them to know you more.

Oftentimes we expect conversations to go a certain way...we expect people to react a certain way. Don't do this. 

Let go of your expectations for your partner's spiritual growth. You can't push people down the spiritual path or pull them to keep up with your speed. You can't control where they are in their journey; just be with them where they are, instead of being frustrated that they are not where you want them to be. 

Learn to be present with people where they are and you will grow spiritually. 

Find a Spiritual Director

A spiritual director will walk with you and give you the spiritual companionship you need that your partner can't give you right now. This person has been professionally trained to guide you in your faith development; you will engage more deeply with the Holy Spirit with your spiritual director's help, and this will help you in all of your relationships.

You may wonder why not just find a spiritual friend or two to talk to instead of a spiritual director...Yes, and. Yes have friends you can talk to about spiritualthings. And have a spiritual director. 

A professional spiritual director offers boundaries and accountability. You need both of these in your spiritual growth, especially if you are not connecting with your partner at home on a spiritual level. This is an important but necessary warning: what starts out as spiritual connection with a friend can lead to physical connection. Pay attention to boundaries and maintain them. 

To find a spiritual director in the Richardson area, visit the Retreat House

When your partner isn't spiritual, don't shut down. Talk to your partner. Pay attention to the space between you and your partner and do not put judgment or comparison between you and them. Put openness. Put conversation. Know that the Holy Spirit is present and working on your partner--and you. Trust God's presence and grace. As St. Francis is said to have said: You may be the only Bible people read. May you reflect God's love to your partner through your words and actions.

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What Else Would You Do?

Have you been through this? Maybe you have some helpful ideas or some prayers for others who are living through this today. Share your thoughts in the comments below. 

Apps to Aid Your Spiritual Life

Three Apps to Aid Your Spiritual Life

By Blair Thompson-White

Here are three apps that I incorporate into my routine; it is not too much to say that these apps have helped me to become a deeper disciple, living more connected with Christ, more centered in the Spirit, more mindful of God's work in the world and in my daily life.

For Your Prayer Life

In the past, when people asked me to pray for them, I would say yes immediately; my desire to pray for them was pure, however, I wasn't organized!  I would write their name on a piece of paper or type it in the notes section of my iPhone but I didn't have a systematic way of listing and reviewing names. Then I thought: there MUST be an App for that!  Sure enough, there is!  My intercessory prayer life has grown tremendously thanks to the:

Echo Prayer Manager

I scroll through the names in the morning and at night, while I am in line at the store, whenever I have a moment of pause in the day. Instead of checking facebook ten times a day, try turning to the prayer app. The app also has a feature where it will randomly pick a name on your list and send you a notification that prompts you to pray for them.  

By spending even just a few seconds on each name, you are sending light and love to them; the Christ in you is tuned into the Christ in them and it is a mystery, but when you are receiving end of prayer you can feel this divine energy as close to you as your breathing.

Pray for others and participate in this extraordinary spiritual reality of our connectedness with God and one another.

For Your Engagement with Scripture

Let's be honest: with the pace of life today it is hard to sit down and focus on reading and reflecting on Scripture. We have this great image in our minds that we will sit in our leather chair in the early morning with our well-worn Bible and take deep, reflective notes in our journal...for whatever reason, maintaining this daily discipline is difficult for most of us. Try playing this 10 to 13 minute daily reading and prayerful reflection on the lectionary text:

Pray As You Go

You'll hear contemplative music, the day's scripture reading, questions for reflection, the reading again, and more contemplative music. Also, it is all done in a British accent...it can't get much better than that! Listen to it on walks with your dog, in the car, while you do gardening, while you sit in that leather chair with a cup of coffee in the morning. 

This app is truly an entry-point for the Spirit to reach you through Scripture and reflection. Invite God to work through Pray As You Go and God will. 

For Reflecting on Your Life

One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and others is time to examine our life, to stop and explore our experiences, motives, fears...those who regularly go into the depths of their day-to-day thoughts and interactions live with greater awareness and intentionality; they are more tuned into the Spirit's guidance and wisdom in the present moment. 

The ancient spiritual practice of the prayer of examen has been used for generations as a way into deep personal reflection. The ReImagining the Examen app will take you step-by-step through questions that invite you to explore a moment, a feeling, an encounter from the day. You can choose from a variety of themed reflections. 

ReImagining the Examen

My husband Adam and I work through an examen from the app together once a week, usually over dinner. We find the questions to be a way into deeper connection with God and one another; we credit this app with helping us to become closer and to hold one another accountable to our desire to become Christ-like in our day-to-day living.

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Our cell phones are central to the way we interact with others today...and they can help us to connect more with God, too. How we choose to use our phones matters; apps can be a means of grace, a way through which we experience God's presence in our lives. 

I hope these apps are helpful tools for you to use in your spiritual life. May we use our phones in ways that are life-giving for us and others.

What apps have you found helpful in your spiritual life?

Please share in the comment section below.

Three Books to Read This Summer

Three Books To Read This Summer

By Blair Thompson-White

These three books are great summer reads for your spiritual growth. I've included some discussion questions for each book as a resource for your personal reflection or small group conversation. 

1) Everything Happens for a Reason...And Other Lies I've Loved by Kate Bowler. 

This book, released in February, is a New York Times Bestseller. I am recommending it to anyone going through a difficult diagnosis, anyone who knows someone going through a difficult diagnosis, all medical personnel, all clergy, all who have been exposed to messages of the prosperity gospel...ok basically everyone. 

Everyone should read this book. (purchase now on AmazonSmile)

Here's the synopsis: Kate is a scholar on the faculty of Duke Divinity School. Her primary research is about the prosperity gospel in America. At age 35, she is diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Her candid account of her journey through cancer is remarkable; the way she articulates the problems with the prosperity gospel's take on her illness is right on. 

Reading this book will give you language for speaking out against the prosperity gospel and deepen your empathy for those going through cancer. The prosperity gospel preaches easy answers to life's hardest questions; Kate's witness gives weight to the power of deep, abiding faith that is able to sit with uncertainty and still be more than ok.

Discussion questions: 

• Kate says a lie she's loved is that "everything happens for a reason." What are some of the lies you've loved? Why and how has your perceptive on these 'lies' changed?

• How does Kate's account of her experience with cancer relate to your difficult experiences? What do you learn from her? 

• How should we care for others going through cancer and other diagnosis? What is a list of do's and don'ts for how to help and not hurt?

2) Gratitude: The Transformative Power of Giving Thanks by Diana Butler Bass

Politics is so gross right now, so divisive; there is so much ugly in our country and world...and yet, Bass has written an entire book on gratitude. She admits this topic may seem out of touch with what is going on in the news today.

The temptation would be to write a book about gratitude that is all 'pie-in-the-sky,' meaning real nice to read about but not too real-world in practical application. Bass has not done that at all and that's what makes this book about gratitude stand out. 

If you are expecting her to tell you to start a gratitude journal, well she does mention that--BUT--she goes way deeper than that, offering historical perspective on gratitude and reciprocity in the ancient world and its influence on our politics today. (purchase now on Amazon Smile)

It is not too much too say that reading this book may not only transform you...if enough of us read it, it may well transform our church and American political system.

Discussion Questions

• What would it look like for you to focus on gratitude? For schools, businesses, churches to focus on gratitude? For our country to focus on gratitude? What would shift in our interactions and transactions if our society designated "a year of gratitude"?

• What intentional practices of gratitude might you begin to implement? 

• How might our politics be different if we moved from the game of tit for tat to that of neighborly reciprocity, to gift and gratitude?

3) How to Be Here: A Guide to Creating a Life Worth Living by Rob Bell

Rob Bell's most recent book "What Is the Bible" is excellent and popular and also one that I highly recommend...you may have missed his previous book How to Be Here. This quick-read is simple and profound, as we have come to expect from Bell. 

This is a great read for the summer because summer is a great time to focus on being present in the moment. Summer may also be the right time to reset some of those work and family routines and habits that are not working and not sustainable to living a truly fulfilling and meaningful life.

How to Be Here is incredibly practical. For example, you won't read his insights on Sabbath and feel guilty that you don't take it; rather, you'll feel equipped to take the next step to creating a life that is more intentional about rest. (purchase now on Amazon Smile)

Discussion Questions:

• When you listen to your life, what is your "ikigai": what is it that gets you out of bed in the morning? How does this influence how you spend your time?

• Bell says we get stuck because we don't know all the steps ahead. He says you don't have to know the 17th step, you just have to know the first step. What makes you stuck right now? What is the first step you are being led to take at this time in your life?

What Are You Reading?

I hope you'll use the comment section to share your reflections on these books and offer other titles you recommend. May what we read this summer inspire our spiritual growth!